Existing or resisting?

When I was a kid, I existed.

I did not have much but I was happy without knowing why.

I didn’t think about time.

I didn’t try to understand life.

I was just inside it.

But even back then,

I used to ask myself something strange.

If I wasn’t here,

Who would be in my place?

Not in a sad way.

Just curiosity.

I wondered if someone else could be living this life instead of me.

Or if this life existed only because I was here to think it.

I didn’t know the words,

But I felt the question.

Was I my body,

Or was I my thoughts?

Back then, it didn’t matter.

Body and mind were together.

And because of that, I was present.

I was happy.

Then growing up happened.

Slowly, existing turned into resisting.

Days became something to get through.

Time became something to manage.

Life became something to endure.

The body kept moving.

The mind started carrying weight.

We learned how to function.

Not how to be.

Resisting is surviving the day.

Existing is being inside it.

Resisting repeats time.

Existing gives it meaning.

And maybe the real joy

Is remembering how to exist again.

– Slow Journal